


things left out (part two)

by badAquatic, orphan_account



Series: Trailerstuck [36]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Illustrated, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-28 05:10:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badAquatic/pseuds/badAquatic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat goes for his job interview and reflects on his life so far. </p>
<p>Takes placed immediately after "things left out (part one)"....which should be obvious really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	things left out (part two)

**Author's Note:**

> “I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”   
> ― Friedrich Nietzsche

**== >Karkat: Get ready for your interview**

 

Jake steps onto the back porch. His left arm’s in a sling and he’s more bandaged up than Dirk is. He looks at your face and frowns, “Trouble back home?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Your voice sounds more choked up than you’d like. You stand and pull your suit off the clothes line, “I have a job interview to get to.”

Jake sits at the picnic table. “Sometimes it doesn’t hurt to take a breather, chum, especially when you’re troubled.”

You look at his arm, “Does that…hurt?”

“This?” He points to his bound arm, “I’ll be fine. Just can’t use the arm for shooting.  Its not my worst injury.”

“What was your worst injury?”

Jake frowns. “You don’t want to know about that.”

Knowing Jake’s past and your nausea, he’s most likely right.

You iron out the suit and spray it with Febreeze. Dirk insists on driving you, saying that it’d be a waste if you sweated through the suit waiting for the bus. You sit in the truck with a print-out of your bare bones resume. You drive past the Squalor and the Red Quad, which sits on the edge of the commercial zone where all the tall skyscrapers, expensive hotels, businesses, and tourist destinations are. First Street is here, a long line of clubs and casinos that Vriska visits.

You get dropped off in a parking lot in front of skyscraper with the sign _Bank of Canzia Offices_. You have a prickly, fluttering sensation in your stomach that you hope is just nerves. This shouldn’t be too bad. Its just a job interview. And if things don’t go well then you can look forward to worrying about your offspring starving and being a leech on Strider’s hospitality. Nothing to worry about.

You look at Dirk, “Wish me luck.”

“Mmm.” Dirk is glaring at the building, like he’s staring down the same lusus that almost took Jake’s arm off. “Call me if there’s trouble.”

“There won’t be any trouble. Relax.” Dirk doesn’t look convinced. You sigh, “I’ll send you a message if things run long, okay?”

He drives off in the hovertruck and you enter the building. Its your standard office space with small commercial businesses; a lot of white, silver, and gray polished surfaces, curved areas and sitting structures. Everything is smooth and streamlined, as part of the New Jack City Planning Council’s effort to have things seem more ‘advanced’ and ‘futuristic’. Businesses on the first floor are nothing special; a Bank of Canzia, a pizza shop, a bagel and coffee stand, and an office at the far end of the hall. You pass by a long blank wall and the motion-detecting ads activate, light and sound assault you: _Skin always dry after a night in the coon? Take Sopor Essence Hello Hydration! For a fun time head to Chumhandle’s! New season of Subjug Shore starts Friday, right after Pawn Marvels—only on NOiSE! Food Court Nightmares every night on FOXbeast!_

Its torture listening to the forced AI-cheer. You race past the wall, arriving at the office with the Merry Meet Maid Service logo outside. The lobby is crowded with warmbloods, most of them wrinkled and shabby. Compared to them, you feel overdressed. A troll woman sits behind a counter and a tealblood is pleading and holding up a picture. You think she’s speaking Afrikaans or a Dersian derivative. Derse immigrants have been flooding New Jack City since the drought. The woman behind the desk (the secretary, you assume) shakes her head. The troll leaves the office, distraught.

You approach the counter. “Uh, my name is Karkat Vantas. I’m here for an interview.”

Her eyes are yellow but not Sollux’s shade; duller and sandy like dark goldenrod. She smiles and stands, “Oh nice to meet you, Karkat! We’ve been waiting for you. I’m Kismas.”

“Kismas? Like…the old winter holiday?” you ask.

“My parents weren’t very creative.” She smiles more, “They just picked a random word out of the dictionary.”

She leads you from the lobby into a secluded office. Inside is a yellowblood woman wearing a business suit and has definitely had cosmetic work judging by those wobbling heftsacks. Kismas leaves you in the room with the busty yellowblood who looks you up and down. You hand her your resume and sit across from her. She doesn’t give you her name. She doesn’t ask you about your work history but about your home life; if you’ve had any run-ins with the law, if you have criminals in your family, if you’re a local or an immigrant.

“Our clients treasure their privacy.” she explains, “We would lose our funding from Lutecore if we hired unsavory people.”

“Well, you’re in luck,” you chuckle, “I don’t have a police record, not even for shoplifting.”

That ends that thread of conversation. It feels like an hour has passed before she stands, saying she has to check with her superiors for a moment. She leaves you in the room and returns a few minutes later.

“I just talked it over with my boss and you are in the clear, Mr. Vantas. Follow me and we’ll get a medical exam done and a test with heavy listing, as part of the job will involve moving heavy things. Many of our clients have taxidermy animals and statues in their homes that need tending to.”

You follow her to another section of the building. You wonder how big the area they’ve rented is. The yellowblood waits outside while you step into the next room with a tired looking doctor. They do the usual examinations you get on a daily check-up. Open your mouth. Stick out your tongue. Breathe in. Breathe out.

“Please strip everything below the waist.”

You do that too and its just as uncomfortably invasive as when you went to the clinic. They don’t use a speculum but they take a culture swab, writing down notes, and prodding you with metal instruments.  

“The exam is over. Please redress.”

You leave the medical room. The following weight test is easy. You might be (slightly) chubby but you know how to use your strength when it matters. The busty yellowblood is taking notes the entire time though. At the end of the weight test, she smiles.

“Well, Mr. Vantas. It looks like your credentials cleared out.” She says, “How soon can you start working?”

“As soon as possible. I’m definitely looking forward to working.” That last part is a gross overestimate but it never hurts to act eager.

“We’ll see you tomorrow then. You are to arrive at this office by nine o’ clock. You’ll be measured for your uniform and then dispatched to a client’s house. Any questions?”

You shake your head and that concludes things. You leave the office and buy a slice of pepperoni pizza from the shop and sit at a table enjoying it. You check your iHusk and see Trollichum is loaded with messages from Terezi.

 

\--carcinoGenetist[CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator[GC]!--

 

CG: TEREZI, I GOT THE JOB! I START TOMORROW!

GC: OH TH4T’S GR34T K4RK4T 3XC3PT 1’M 4LL K1NDS OF P1SS3D OFF 4T YOU NOW

GC: W3 H4V3N’T B33N MO1R41LS FOR NOT 3V3N TWO W33KS 4ND 4LR34DY 1 W4NT TO DUMP YOU B4CK 1N 4 TR4SH C4N!

CG: WHOA. HOLD ON, REZI. WHAT’S GOING ON?

GC: WH4T DO YOU M34N WH4T’S GO1NG ON?!

GC: YOU TR1GG3R3D K4NKR1 WH1L3 H3 W4S 4T WORK K4RK4T!

GC: 1 C4N’T B3L13V3 YOU WOULD DO SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T! H3 JUST GOT SOB3R 4ND NOW YOU’R3 M4K1NG H1M W4NT TO DR1NK 4G41N! 1F 1 H4DN’T THROWN 4LL H1S BOOZ3 4W4Y 4ND T4K3N H1S C4R K3YS W3’D H4V3 4 S3R1OUS PROBL3M

CG: SORRY. I WAS…ANGRY.

GC: K4RK4T, YOU 4ND K4NKR1 H4V3 4 COMPL1C4T3D R3L4T1ONSH1P BUT TR1GG3R1NG H1M 1S TH3 3X4CT OPPOS1T3 OF 4 GOOD 1D34!

CG: I SAID I WAS SORRY.

CG: HOW IS HE?

GC: W3LL H3 K3PT 1T TOG3TH3R 4T WORK 4FT3R SOM3 CO4CH1NG FROM CRONUS BUT 4S SOON 4S H3 GOT HOM3 H3 BURST 1NTO T34RS 4ND TOLD M3 3V3RYTHING

CG: OH. SO YOU KNOW THE TRUTH TOO.

GC: K4NKR1 TOLD M3 4FT3R H3 C4LM3D DOWN

GC: K4NKR1 SHOULD H4V3 TOLD YOU 4BOUT YOUR R34L F4TH3R 4 LONG T1M3 4GO BUT SCR34M1NG 4T H1M 1SN’T GO1NG TO H3LP OR CH4NG3 TH3 P4ST

CG: ALL HE’S EVER DONE IS LIE TO ME, TEREZI. HE’S NEVER TOLD ME THE TRUTH ONCE. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? JUST FORGET EVERYTHING AND SAY “YEAH ITS OKAY MY REAL DAD’S DEAD NOW”.

GC: K4RK4T V4NT4S S3N1OR 4LW4YS TR34T3D YOU L1K3 H1S SON 4ND H3 LOV3D YOU 4 LOT MOR3 TH4N H3 D1D K4NKR1 H3 L3FT H1S L3G4CY TO YOU 4ND H3 W4S W1LL1NG TO SUFF3R 4ND G3T S1CK W1THOUT M3D1C4T1ON JUST SO YOU’D H4V3 4 FUTUR3

CG: I JUST…SHIT…

CG: I’M IN A PIZZA SHOP AND I’M TRYING NOT TO CRY.

CG: I MISS HIM, TEREZI. I MISS MY FATHER.

GC: K4NKR1 4ND YOU BOTH M1SS HIM K4RK4T

GC: M4YB3 YOU SHOULD COM3 OV3R H3R3 4ND T4LK TO H1M

CG: NO.

CG: I KNOW YOU’RE TRYING TO MAKE THINGS BETTER, BUT THE LAST THING I WANT RIGHT NOW IS SEE KANKRI. I MIGHT FLY OFF THE HANDLE AGAIN. I THINK I’M JUST GOING TO RELAX AT HOME AND TELL DAVE THE GOOD NEWS.

CG: ALSO, I WAS THINKING ABOUT TAKING CUSTODY OF ONE OF THE GRUBS. THAT WAY YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT COVERAGE.

GC: K4RK4T 1’V3 B33N TRY1NG TO T3LL YOU 4BOUT TH4T 4LL D4MN D4Y BUT YOU K3PT CUTT1NG M3 OFF!

CG: WHAT IS IT?

GC: D1RK 4ND J4K3 W4NT TO 4DOPT K4NKR1 4ND MY S3COND GRUB

CG: WHAT?! WHY WOULD TWO HUMANS GUYS WANT TO RAISE A TROLL?

GC: B3C4US3 TH3Y’V3 4LW4YS W4NT3D TO H4V3 MOR3 K1DS 4ND PL3NTY OF HUM4NS 4DOPT TROLLS

GC: 1 D1DN’T W4NT TO BURD3N MY P4R3NTS W1TH 4NOTH3R MOUTH TO F33D SO 1 S3NT YOU 4 M3SS4G3 BUT YOU D1DN’T R3SPOND 1 4SK3D D4V3 WH3R3 YOU W3R3 4ND 1 W4S UPS3T SO 1 TOLD H1M WH4T W4S GO1NG ON

GC: D4V3 S41D TH4T D1RK 4ND J4K3 4LW4YS W4NT3D TO 4DOPT MOR3 CH1LDR3N BUT B3C4US3 OF J4K3’S H1STORY W1TH CR1M3 4ND DRUG 4DD1CT1ON H3 W4S BL4CKL1ST3D BY 4LL TH3 N3W J4CK 4DOPT1ON 4G3NC13S

GC: SO W3 T4LK3D TO TH3M 4ND THEY 4GR33D TO K33P ON3 OF TH3 GRUBS

CG: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ADOPTION AGENCY? WON’T THEY CARE ABOUT JAKE’S RECORD?

GC: TH3 4DOPT1ON POL1C13S 4R3 D1FF3R3NT FOR TROLLS TH3R3’S 4 SURPLUS OF TROLLS 1N ORPH4N4G3S 4ND TH3 FOST3R C4R3 SYST3M SO TH3 GOV3RNM3NT’S MOR3 TH4N W1LL1NG TO TOSS TROLLS 4T HUM4NS AFTER ALL HUM4NS 4R3 TH3 MOR3 ‘C1V1L1Z3D’ R4C3 4FT3R 4LL OR TH4T’S HOW THOS3 SP3C13S1ST B4ST4RD V13W TH1NGS >:[

CG: ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS, TEREZI? YOU WANTED TO RAISE YOUR KIDS TOGETHER.

GC: TH3Y’LL ONLY B3 4CROSS TH3 STR33T K4RK4T 4ND 1 TH1NK D1RK 4ND J4K3 WOULD B3 4 B3TT3R P4R3NT TH4N YOU

CG: HEY!  

GC: 1TS ONLY B3C4US3 TH3Y H4V3 3XP3R13NC3 R41S1NG 4 K1D MOR3 TH4N R3ST OF US M4YB3 YOU COULD L34RN 4 PO1NT3R OR TWO FROM TH3M S1NC3 YOU H4V3 4 K1D W1TH VR1SK4

CG: OH YEAH. I HAVE TO TELL HER I GOT THE JOB. SHE’LL BE HAPPY ONCE I GIVE HER AND THE MUNCHKIN A CHECK. I WISH SHE LIVED CLOSER THOUGH. I MISS HER ALREADY.

GC: YOU SHOULD T3LL H3R TH4T

CG: THERE’S NO POINT. DAVE AND I ARE FLUSHED AND SHE DESERVES TO HAVE A MATESPRIT ALL TO HERSELF.

GC: 4R3 YOU SUR3 D4V3 4ND YOU 4R3 4CTU4LLY FLUSH?

CG: …I DON’T KNOW.

CG: I ALWAYS THOUGHT I FLUSHED HIM BUT ONCE I GOT TO KNOW HIM, I CAN’T STAND A LOT ABOUT HIM BUT I DON’T WANT TO HIT HIM OR GET INTO A KNOCK-OUT DRAG-OUT FIGHT LIKE THE KISMESISTUDES ON THE REAL HOUSEMATES OF LEMON COUNTY.

GC: F1RST OFF K4RK4T R34L1TY TV 1S NOT 4 GOOD PL4C3 TO B4S3 YOUR R3L4T1ONSH1PS OFF OF S3CONDLY K1SM31STUD3 1SN’T SO MUCH 4BOUT H4TR3D TH4T 1T 1S 4BOUT R1V4LRY R3SP3CT MUTU4L 4N1MOS1TY 4ND 4TTR4CT1ON

CG: BUT MOST KISMESIS ARE ROUGH WITH EACH OTHER AND YEAH, I MIGHT BITE OR SCRATCH STRIDER BUT I DON’T WANT TO HURT HIM.

GC: M4YB3 YOU H4V3 4 R3D SP4D3 TH3N? SOM3TH1NG B3TW33N P1TCH 4ND FLUSH BUT ST1LL B4L4NC3D OFF W1TH H4T3

GC: 4ND NOT 3V3RY TROLL H4S 4N 4GGR3SS1V3 V1OL3NT P1TCH SOLLUX 4ND 3R1D4N’S P1TCH 1S 4GGR3SS1V3 WH1L3 D4D 4ND CRONUS H4D 4 R1V4LRY B4S3D ON3

CG: HOLD UP. YOUR DAD AND MY MOM USED TO BE PITCH?

GC: B4CK WH3N D4D W4S M3NT4LLY C4P4BL3 Y34H BUT TH3Y BROK3 1T OFF L4T3R

GC: MOM N3V3R TOLD M3 WHY BUT 1 TH1NK 1T H4D SOM3TH1NG TO DO W1TH TH3 M1ND HON3Y H3 DO3SN’T H4V3 4 H1STORY OF M4K1NG GOOD CHO1C3S UND3R TH3 1NFLU3NC3S OF 1T 1 TH1NK D4D M1SS3S H1S P1TCH THOUGH B3C4US3 R3C3NTLY H3S B33N F1GHT1NG W1TH 3R1D4N

GC: 1 TH1NK D4D TH1NKS 3R1D4N *1S* CRONUS

CG: THAT’S KIND OF A HUGE MISTAKE TO MAKE SINCE THEY LOOK NOTHING ALIKE AND…SHIT. ERIDAN STILL DOESN’T KNOW THAT DUALSCAR IS HIS REAL DAD.

GC: M4YB3 W3 SHOULD L3T 1T ST4Y TH4T W4Y

CG: WHY?

GC: B3C4US3 3V3N THOUGH DU4LSC4R W4S 4 SH1TTY P3RSON TH4T’S 3R1D4N’S GR4NDF4TH3R WHO JUST D13D

GC: 4T L34ST W41T 4 WH1L3 TO T3LL H1M THT TH3 P3RSON WHO R41S3D H1M W4S H1S F4TH3R ON TOP OF B31NG 4 SH1TTY P4R3NT 4ND 4 R4P1ST

CG: BUT ERIDAN HAS TO WONDER WHY KANKRI FEELS UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND HIM. I CAN’T BLAME KANKRI FOR THAT. IF I HAD DUALSCAR’S KID FORCED ON ME AFTER HE SMASHED MY EGG, I THINK I’D CRACK TOO.

GC: 4CCORD1NG TO CRONUS K4NKR1 4LW4YS H4D 3MOT1ON4L 1SSU3S 1 W1SH W3 COULD 4FFORD TO S3ND H1M TO 4 PSYCH14TR1ST BUT 3V3N TH3N K4NKR1 DO3SN’T TH1NK TH3R3’S 4NYTH1NG WRONG W1TH H1M

CG: WELL OF COURSE HE’D SAY THAT. WE LEARNED ABOUT THIS IN HEALTH TOO, REMEMBER? THEY MADE US DO THAT WORKSHEET AND WATCH THAT VIDEO ABOUT HOW TO RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN A COLDBLOOD BEING A COLDBLOOD AND A TROLL WHO HAD A MOOD DISORDER AND HOW TO GET THEM INTO TREATMENT.

GC: K4NKR1 4ND 1 T4LK 4BOUT TH3 M3NT4L H34LTH OF TROLLS OFTEN

GC: FOR SOM3ON3 WHO DO3SN’T TH1NK TH3Y N33D PSYCH14TR1C 41D H3 S33MS TO KNOW 4 LOT 4BOUT 1T

GC: TH3 M41N 1SSU3 R1GHT NOW IS THAT 1TS H4RD3R TO R3COGN1Z3 M3NT4L 1SSU3S 1N TROLLS

CG: BECAUSE TROLLS ARE ALIENS AND MOST PSYCHIATRISTS ARE HUMAN OR CARAPACE SINCE THEY CAN AFFORD TO GO TO COLLEGE. SO A LOT OF TROLLS GET MISDIAGNOSED WITH BEHAVIORAL ISSUES WHEN ITS JUST SORT A CULTURAL BARRIER. MEANWHILE THERE’S TROLLS WITH ACTUAL MENTAL PROBLEMS WALKING AROUND AND DON’T REALIZE THEY NEED HELP, AND BECAUSE OF HOW ASS-BACKWARDS ALTERNIAN CULTURE IS, THEY’RE UNWILLING TO SEEK HELP.

GC: DO YOU TH1NK TH4T’S TH3 R34SON TH3 GHB SN4PP3D?

CG: SOUNDS LIKELY. PURPLEBLOODS HAVE A HIGH RATE OF VIOLENT INCIDENTS BUT THEY HAVE JUST AS HIGH A RATE OF SUICIDE AND EMOTIONAL IMBALANCE. EVEN ON OLD ALTERNIA THEY RECOGNIZED THAT CERTAIN HEMOTYPES NEED TO HAVE MORE MENTAL DOWNTIME THAN OTHERS.

GC: K4NKR1 1S TH3 GHB’S SON SO M4YB3 H3 H4S TH3 S4M3 D1SORD3R W1TH H1S MOOD? TH3 GHB’S K1DS DON’T S33M TO H4V3 MUCH LUCK 1N TH3 D3P4RTM3NT OF SOC14L 1NT3R4CT1ON

CG: PORRIM IS ALRIGHT.

GC: PORR1M 1S 4N OUTC4ST 4MONG OTH3R J4D3BLOODS YOU DON’T S33 H3R H4NG1NG 4ROUND TH3M TH3Y DON’T M1X

CG: ALSO WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT COPPERSLUT’S SKEEZY CLOWN EVEN WENT TO JAIL FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE SO I’M NOT GIVING HIM AN OUNCE OF MY SYMPATHY.

GC: 1 DON’T KNOW 31TH3R T4VROS S4YS H3 DO3SN’T KNOW B3C4US3 G4MZ33 DO3SN’T L1K3 TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T BUT 4PP4R3NTLY JOHN’S MOM 4ND ROS3’S MOM KNOW G4MZ33 P3RSON4LLY L3V3L

GC: T4VROS 4LSO S41D TH4T WH3N 4SK3D 4BOUT TH4T G4MZ33 D1DN’T W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T 31TH3R

CG: THAT’S WEIRD.

GC: 1 SM3LL 4NOTH3R MYST3RY! >:]

GC: NOW TH4T TH3 MYST3RY OF K4RK4T’S P4R3NT4G3 H4S B33N SOLV3D W3 C4N SOLV3 TH3 MYST3RY OF TH3 YOUNG3R M4K4R4S P4ST

CG: YOU HAVE FUN SNIFFING CLUES THEN. I GOT A BUS TO CATCH. I’LL SEE YOU SOON.

GC: OK4Y

GC: 4ND PL34S3 CONS1D3R T4LK1NG TO K4NKR1 K4RK4T H3 1S YOUR MOTH3R 4FT3R 4LL

CG: I KNOW. ITS JUST. I’LL…THINK ABOUT IT, OKAY? THAT’S ALL.

 

\--carincoGeneticist[CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator[CG]!--

 

You don’t want to talk to Kankri about anything. Not now. Maybe not ever.

Still, it bothers you to think of Kankri straining to get through work, putting on a brave face for the outside world only to break down into tears once he arrived home. You feel like an asshole for triggering him. Kankri always flaunted “trigger warning” at everything that it had lost its meaning. Your conscience gets to you and once you get off the bus, you go to Park Avenue. You buy chocolate covered almonds from the Dollar Tree. They’re not high quality candy but it should put Kankri in a better mood. Chocolate covered anything always raises Kankri’s spirits.  

You walk to your neighborhood, passing kits having mud fights in drainage ditches or hunting crickets and frogs in the tall grasses of abandoned mobilehives. You knock on the door of your old mobilehive and Terezi answers. Her stomach is getting more prominent. She’s wearing crocs and baggy sweatpants.

“I got these for him.” You hand her the chocolate almonds.

Terezi looks at the bag and sighs, “He’s lying down right now.”

“I’ll come by tomorrow.” If you feel like it that is.

“Take care of yourself, Karkat.”

You cross the street to enter the Strider mobilehive and are greeted with the sight of Dirk and Jake making out like teenagers on the couch. As soon as you shut the door behind you, Dirk pushes Jake away.

“Karkat.” If Dirk’s irritated, he’s suppressing it, but he can’t get rid of how red his face is. “I didn’t expect you here. Not. Yet. I thought you were still at your interview.”

“Couldn’t loaf in the streets a bit more, chum?” Jake asks, his hand still on Dirk’s hip.

“I got the job so I came back to celebrate.” you say, trying not to laugh. “Sorry to interrupt your sloppy make-outs.”

“We weren’t making out...” Dirk mutters.

“Yes, we were having a very mature adult conversation about mature adult things.” Jake snickers.

“Terezi told me that you’re adopting one of her grubs. I guess that’s what you were trying to tell me about earlier.” you say.

“Yes, but you seemed preoccupied in running around the neighborhood.” Dirk says.

“I never thought two humans would want to raise a troll.” You walk to the kitchen to get a drink. “People are always saying how aggressive trolls are, especially babies.”

“A baby troll is nothing compared to a toddler’s terrible twos.” Dirk snorts.

“Human toddlers don’t have sharp teeth.” You say, searching the fridge.

“A lusus cracked my ribs and fractured my arm. I think I can handle small bites.” Jake laughs.

He’d definitely tolerate it better than you would. You see there’s one last wine cooler and grab it, walking back into the living room. “Well you have experience raising Dave. Was he difficult to take care of?”

“About as difficult as kids tend to be.” Dirk says, “I did most of the raising for when he was little. The hardest part was getting him to talk. At first he didn’t say anything. The teachers thought he had a learning disability but they always want to slap an IEP on someone instead of work with them. I got him up to mutters but he still would only talk to me.”

“He has come a long way.” You only remember snippets of Dave’s muteness. Humans and trolls were separated until age eight. “So where are you going to put my kid?”

“We were thinking about adding a secondary trailer.” Jake says. “Something tells me there might be more kids around.”

“Are you adopting more trolls?” you ask.

Jake glances at Dirk. “Something like that…” Dirk says.

“Are you sure you want a second mobilehive?” Nobody likes the breeders on Two Boot Drive or their triple-level mobilehives. “Couldn’t you just put all the weapons you have in that room into a storage container?” They stare at you. Putting their precious weapons away? You must be a madman. “I’ll take that as a ‘no’…”

“Have you told Dave yet? Actually, where is Dave? I can tell him the good news about my job.”

“In his room, I think.” Dirk says.

You walk to Dave’s room but the hipster isn’t there. Is he not feeling well? He didn’t got to work today and looked stressed. Did the Green Genes make him feel more skittish? You clench your teeth. You’re not scared of those fuckers; you’ll rip them in half if they hurt Dave. You enter the back yard, looking around for Dave. Usually he’s sitting on the back porch but he’s not there. You do see rustling in the bushes in the back of Harley’s mobilehive. You move closer, stepping behind the clothesline.

Dave is sitting in the bushes and Jade is leaning out the window, touching his face. They’re talking low and so wrapped up in their own little world they don’t notice you.

Jade laughs, “Oh come on, Dave. We both know that if I’m pregnant you would raise the most ironic coolkid ever and I would teach them to shoot as soon as they could walk. They’ll be perfectly safe.”

What does she mean by ‘if I’m pregnant’ exactly? You move closer.

“That sounds dangerous.” Dave answers.

Jade raises her eyebrow. “So is letting a five year old play with katanas.”

Dave smirks. “Good point.”

“Very good point.” You coolly agree.  

They look at you, startled. You raise an eyebrow.

“So,” you say, “ _what_ do you need to tell me?”

“Um,” Jade begins.

Dave stands, dusting leaves and dirt off of his pants. “Okay…you know how you were off with Vriska doing your grub daddy thing? Well. Jade and I sort of…”

You connect the dots, “You had sex.”

Dave nods. “Yeah…”

“And she’s pregnant.” You conclude.

“Its not confirmed yet!” Jade insists.

“The condom broke.” Dave says, exasperated.

At least they tried to use protection but got screwed over. You know your relationship has been in flux but it still hurts to know he was with Jade while you were with Vriska. But what can you bitch about? You would have glad been close to Vriska if she let you.  

“Karkat?” Dave asks.

“I…” You swallow, your mouth suddenly dry, “…I’m fine. I just. I guess I should have seen this coming a long time ago. You two always…” You fall silent, contemplate, then say, “I’m not really good with this sort of thing but…I still care about you but I don’t like you or your stupid ironic hobbies.”

Dave smirks, “Ironic hobbies? Like _what_ exactly?”

“Like your weird movies.”

“Like _you_ have better taste.” Dave snorts.

“Guys.” Jade says.

“The only reason you like that dreck is because you think it makes you cool.” You growl and move closer to Dave. “You’re the kind of guy who thinks Citizen Kane is the perfect movie.”

“That’s because it is. You just have no taste.”

_“Guys…”_ Jade sighs.

“Citizen Kane is the most overrated and dull movie ever made with a giant plot hole that everyone ignores because their heads are too far crammed up their waste chutes to realize it.”

You’re getting closer, looking at his face. When was the last time you made out? It must be days. You forgot how good he smelled. Strider’s still passionately arguing his point, “Just because a good movie has a plot hole doesn’t make it any less of a good movie. The point of Citizen Kane is about the _pathos_ of cinema. The plot hole doesn’t matter because that’s _logos._ ”

Jade sighs, giving up her attempts to get your attention.

“Oh my gods; you’re like the Sollux of the movie world. I thought you only liked shitty movies?” You touch his lips, letting a purr escape your throat.  

“You can look at a low budget movie and see the charm in it if the director really cares.” he says, “A low budget director can use all kinds of tricks to make things more…”

You lean in close, badly wanting to kiss him. “…interesting?”  

“ _Well_.” You jump away from Dave when you hear the low, gruff voice. Jade’s grandfather is standing five feet from you, a shotgun in hand. Jade sighs, having noticed him long before you. “You have exactly a minute to explain what _you two_ are doing on my side of the property line.”

You’ve already replaced “you two” with any slur applicable to interspecies couples.

“Dave was coming to talk to me and Karkat was coming to talk to Dave.” Jade quickly says.

“I see.” He’s not lowering the shotgun or looking very placated, “Then what’s this about a broken condom?”

Dave swallows, nervously. “That’s sort of what. We were talking about. As a group.”

When Dave says that, Grandpa Harley looks unhappier. Jade sighs, “Grandpa, were you spying on me?”

“I overheard a noise near _my_ _property_ so I decided to investigate since you never know what unsavory characters are walking around.” The old man says _my property_ like you’ve just slapped him in the face.

“Its really not _that_ big of a deal...” Dave says but he looks just as uneasy as you do.

“I think this is. In fact, I think we’ll talk about the details inside.” Grandpa Harley says. There’s no option to decline in that statement.

“Grandpa, that’s not necessary.” Jade says.

“Of course it is.”  

Dave looks petrified as Grandpa Harley walks away and Jade retreats from the window. You touch Dave’s shoulder. “It can’t be all that bad. He’s just a human.”  

“You have no idea what that man is like.” Dave whispers.

“It can’t be _that_ bad.” you say.

“Karkat. No. Seriously. Not a good idea.” Dave whispers, shaking his head.

“I’m coming and that’s final. I’m a part of this too.”

Five minutes later you regret your attempt to comfort Dave. The air in the mobilehive is tenser with you here and (worst of all) Grandpa Harley refuses to put down the shotgun. He keeps holding and stroking it, like he’s deciding who to shoot first. All three of you are sitting on the couch while Grandpa Harley rests in his worn-out armchair. You are sitting closest to Grandpa Harley with Dave and Jade behind you. You’re a shield in case the old man decides to fire. Jade is the only one who doesn’t look nervous, just annoyed.

“So. David.” the old man begins, “What are your intentions towards my granddaughter?”

“ _Grandpa_ …” Jade sighs.

“Call me curious but I doubt there’s anything the boy next door in a trailer park could provide my granddaughter.” Grandpa Harley says.

Dave frowns. “I love Jade. I might not have serious cash but I’m working. I’d rather be with Jade while I’m working towards the top than grab her for some hanger-on trophy wife that I’ll divorce in five years.”

“So you plan on raising my great-grandchild in poverty?” Grandpa Harley asks.

“I’m not saying that.” Dave says.

“Grandpa, its not like either of us intended this to happen,” Jade says, “and there’s _still_ no confirmation I’m pregnant. I keep saying this but no one likes _listening to me!_ ”

“I’ll be more surprised if you weren’t.” Grandpa Harley looks at you. “And what about this… _troll_? What does he have to do with things?”

“Karkat is my kismesis.” Dave quickly says. Grandpa Harley continues staring before he adds, “My boyfriend.”

“So you plan on having granddaughter in… _this sort_ of relationship?” Grandpa Harley asks.

“I don’t see why not.” Dave says, “She already has a kismesis.”

There is a long awkward silence before Grandpa Harley says, “ _What_.” Its not a question, just a flat statement of disbelief. Jade elbows Dave, and Grandpa Harley sits up, “What is he talking about, Jade?”

“Tavros and I are pitch now.” Jade sighs.

“What?” You snicker, “You and _copperslut_ are pit— _ow!_ ” Dave stamps on your foot.

“The point is that all three of us care about each other and that quadrants are the easier way we can support each other.” Jade says.

Grandpa Harley stares at the three of you. He sighs. “Do you three honestly think that sort of relationship _works_ for humans? I can tell you easily it doesn’t. Jade, your father got it into his head that he could make that sort of thing work and you know how well _that_ turned out. Two of you are human, not trolls. I don’t know why you would think raising a child in this environment is normal.”

Jade frowns. “Trolls aren’t the only ones who practice polyamory.”

“None of you are in it for the religious reasons that humans were doing it for. This is just some fad for you.” He shakes his head, “I don’t understand your generation thinking troll quadrants are appealing. Humans don’t ‘ _get’_ quadrants in the same way trolls do. That’s why they’re aliens. Quadrants just needlessly complicate something that didn’t have a problem in the first place. This hippie communal lifestyle is the sort of thing that leads to…”

He stops talking but that riles Jade more. She stands. “Leads to _what_? Leads to mutants? Leads to _my birth?_ Is what you’re going to say? That I’m the product of a defunct system and people who don’t want to conform to _your beliefs_?”

Dave and you sit quietly on the couch, having unanimously decided to stay out of this.

Grandpa Harley stands and (thankfully) puts down the shotgun. “Jade. This isn’t about you. This about the welfare of your child.”

“Yeah, and what if they doesn’t come out ‘perfect’?” There are tears in her eyes, “What if they come out mutated like my brother? Then what? You’re going to want me to kill it or hide it away. You don’t know what’s good for me anymore than I know how mutated _I really_ _am_!”

“Jade, this is a stressful time for you. Just take a deep breath and calm down.” His voice is gentle.

“ _No_!” Jade yells, “I’m not going to let you just sweep things under the rug! I’m…taking control of my life now! I don’t want you around my kid if you’re going to treat me as some sort of…weird deviant! I can do this all on my own if I have to!”

“Uh, you don’t really have to do that…at all…” Dave mutters.

“I think she forgot we were in the room.” You whisper. You are both staying very quiet and still. So far to your knowledge, the vision of predators is typically based on movement.

“Jade, let’s sit down and talk this over rationally…”

“No! Just… _urgh_!” Jade turns away, stomping to the door. _“Screw you!”_

She leaves the mobilehive with a slam. Dave and you are still for a few minutes before scrambling after her. Jade is walking down Kaiba Street, growling and grumbling. You and Dave maintain your distance before Jade takes a deep breath.

“Just…” She breathes heavy again, “…shit. I just…”

She sniffles. Shit, she’s going to cry. Pregnant creatures always seem to do that in moments of high stress. You have no idea what do but thankfully Dave moves into action. He walks to Jade and touches her shoulder.

“Maybe you should just stay with us for a while?” Dave suggests.

“I don’t want to intrude on you guys.” Jade sniffles, wiping her eyes. “Fuck. No. I’m not going to cry…”

“I don’t mind.” you say, inching a little closer. “The bed’ll be crowded but its not that big of a deal, and you don’t have to worry about cooking because Jake is always more than willing to feed everyone.”

Jade sighs. “I could use something to eat…but that doesn’t mean I’m staying.”

She changes her tune once she’s laying on the couch watching the old Squiddles cartoon on Wayback and has a plate of black sausage and buttered baked potatoes. You lay on Strider’s bed, having kicked off the blankets out of heat and spite. You’re staring at the ceiling because you don’t want to meet his face.

“I know…I should have told you sooner,” Dave sits next to you, “but I freaked out about it. I didn’t want to lose you.”

You roll over, “Its not like I can complain since I have to support two kids from two different trolls.” You smirk, “You wouldn’t be in this mess if you didn’t use an old condom.”

“They weren’t old and I’m not telling _you_ the details of what went on, perv.”  

You climb into his lap. “Are we still a thing? Humans don’t typically do caliginous quadrants…”

Dave sighs and kisses you. “Relax. We can be caliginous or flush if that makes you happy, Karkat, but to me it only matter if we’re all together.”

Jade peeks into the room and smiles. She climbs onto the bed. “Am I interrupting your time with your guest, Troll Maury? Are you going to talk to the audience about the lesson we learned today?”

“Its Jerry Springer who talks to the audience at the end of the episodes and he’s been dead for centuries.” Dave says.

“Millennia is more like it.” Jade kisses him, “No one knows the exact approximation of time that passed while humanity traveled through space after Old Earth was destroyed. There’s a theory that—”

“Oh my gods; science time is not now, you huge nerd.” Dave lies down, “Between me finally working up the guts to talk to Karkat or your grandfather almost shooting me in the face, I’m exhausted. I need to nap for the next two days.”

“I’d shoot grandpa before he got a chance to take aim.” Jade smirks and lies down next to him. You lay across Dave’s legs, staying where you were.

“Do you _always_ have a gun on you?” Dave chuckles.

“Well duh.” Jade says. “We live in New Jack City, Dave.”

“Good point, and _Karkat_ , you are way too heavy to rest on my legs like the world’s fattest cat.” Dave sighs.

“I am not fat.” You growl, crawling onto Dave’s other side. You lay your arm across his chest. “I’m bulky.”

“You have a cat and a dog now.” Jade says.

“You have a troll and a wolf furry.” you correct.

“I am not a furry.” Jade growls.

“No arguing in bed…” Dave groans, “And if you two stay like this, I won’t be able to get up.”

“ _Good_.” Jade and you both agree.

Dave smiles, wraps his arms around you both. “You two are so lucky I love the both of you and don’t mind this.”

You shut your eyes. “Its pitch, not love, but its all the same to you humans.”

He kisses your forehead. “Shut up, chubmuffin.”

The bed is crowded with three people. You’re sure one of you is going to fall off but that’s the risk you have to take. All three of you are in this together now. 


End file.
